So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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