Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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