THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
this will be a night to untag.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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