i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
