At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
