So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
