On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
