he thought i was a dude.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
