You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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