i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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