Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
