mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize