she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
