So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
