I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
