I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
