it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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