I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
