Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
