I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
