I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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