I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Shame - the story of my life.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize