Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
