the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
