Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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