Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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