Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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