this beer tastes like vomit already
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
