I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
