I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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