he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
