Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
