I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
