apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
