so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
