Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
