I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
