Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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