if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
