they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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