Need sex. Gaining weight.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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