She said her name was "party"
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
