Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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