Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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