you guys were way drunker than both of me
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Randomize
