Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
