mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
