Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
