The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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