I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
