Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
