I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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