Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
