So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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