Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
