my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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