I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
