It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
