At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
