Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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