yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
