I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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