I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
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