I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
