You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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