just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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