why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
