either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
