she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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