Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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