Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
