I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
