I cockslap morals
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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