he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
